thoughts from my infant development class I wanted to remember

Can damage be healed? Absolutely!! You are on the right road. If the counselor is not helpful, consider changing! As a parent, try hard to be consistent in your parenting/rules/boundaries, but allow your daughter some input. Try to get her to "buy in" to what you are trying to do (As I would tell my children, "It is my job as a parent to help you reach your full potential in life! I look at you and see so much promise of success and joy in your future, and I want to help you obtain that. I have been around for many years and I see what hurts and helps people. When we look at ___________(family member), we see how sad his/her life is as a result of some of the choices that he/she made (drugs, alcohol, early sex, teen parenthood, friends that really were more interested in self than each other, running away, giving up on school, etc). Do you think those choices helped him/her or do you think that his/her life could be so much better than it is now? You are awesome! You are smart and beautiful and kind, and I want to see that awesomeness grow! Life is about choices, and all choices have consequences, which sometimes you have no control over. _______ did not choose to become a drug addict but he did choose to use drugs the first time. That is why we have the rules we have and I sometimes get upset when I see you make a choice that could be potentially limiting to you. When you are living on your own, you will be welcome to make all the choices you want, good or bad; until then, it is my job to do what I think is in your best interest and I hope you can help me do this. I love you more than anything in the world.") Help your daughter feel that she can make choices in her life (kids want to feel autonomous), and when she makes a right choice, it is HER doing because in the final scheme of things, it is HER choice.

--from Denise Bodman responding to a students concern about helping heal the anti social behaviors, and negative affects of her own parenting styles, aka spanking. I thought it was a good thing to remember and try and teach the kiddos. :)